Healing does not stop with our office visit. There are times when we can support our patients by helping them recognize the little voice inside which stops us from growth. When identified, we can help them with a "you can" attitude.
We know that change can be difficult not only due to years of ingrained less than-ideal-habits but maintaining change has to occur consistently to make plastic changes in the brain.
A technique used successfully with both patients and coaching clients is to identify the impact of the Saboteur in the process of change. Not a saboteur in the flesh but in the mind. You may call it a bad advisor, a sinister voice. It may take the form of a dark cloud, a squeaking monkey-on-your-back. Identifying the Saboteur is important as once activated it becomes more difficult to actively listen to others. The internal conversation we have with it reduces our available adaptive response.
"It" is the inner conversation, thought or program we automatically run which allows us to feel safe. "It" is the voice which tells us we will fail so why bother in the fist place. The Saboteur is the dialogue we have with ourselves which tell us why we cannot do or achieve whatever we want to accomplish. "It" stops us from growth and change. "It" keeps us playing life small. "It" keeps us afraid of the "what if's?"
What if I fail - What if they say no - What if I am rejected - What if I am not smart enough -What if I make a mistake - What if I forget something - What if I am embarrassed - What if I lose money - What if they do not like me - What if it hurts...
The saboteur is like old baggage weighing us down. This negative inner dialogue seems to provide compelling reasons why we cannot be successful, why we cannot change, why we should live life small. We feel "It" advises us as to what we can and cannot do. "It" impacts our self-esteem.
We may have learned this negative self talk through comments made innocently or not by parents, teachers, friends, peers or through our culture. At some point we have taken what was said as our truth, to our heart. Our conversation may play out something like this:
I am not smart enough, my idea is stupid, I cannot change, I am not strong, I am do not want to change, I am too lazy, I am too old/young, I can't...
Have you heard excuses for not moving ahead in life based on fear provided by this internal talk? Are you aware of the Saboteur's affect? How has it stopped growth and change?
What is of importance is to note the Saboteur is not you really you. It is just a voice/thought which we may or may not give credence to. When we identify it for what it is in our thoughts, we can speak to "it" as a third person, separating it from ourselves. When recognizing it, decisions may be made differently.
Giving the Saboteur an actual name or visualizing what it looks like allows you to separate it from the real you. One can then begin to be the observer of "self" - one's thoughts without the same judgment or charge. You can then put these thoughts in their rightful place, gain insights and perspective, and work through the opportunity to see your own resourcefulness.
When hesitation is observed with in making change, this may be an opportunity to identify this Saboteur.
Describe what is surrounding its appearance? If one was to remove it, how would that occur, what would it look like?
The first stage is to identify this saboteur. Imagine the Saboteur as an actual "thing" with a shape and give it name or look.
What are the effects of the saboteur on you?
Can you describe any feelings - anxious, tired, confused, angry, short tempered?
How is the body is responding to this saboteur - breathing changes, heart races, sweating, tense muscles, headaches, skin crawl, stomach go into knots?
List and describe in as much detail as you can both feelings and body reaction.
[pb]Give this saboteur a name to go with its description. This may be an actual person, a beast, place, or scene. There is no right or wrong. It is what works for you.
Make a note of when it shows up. Do not defend, judge or worry about correcting it just yet. Just note it.
What can you visualize doing to this saboteur to put it in its place or remove it? Find a strategy which works to dissipate, vanish, disappear, shrink, shrivel, liquefy, corral, bust-it-up to make it go away.
Without judgment, notice what is occurring when it shows up. Or retrospectively, notice what was happening when it did show up.
Once clear on the items above, when you feel those familiar feelings noted or experience the bodily sensations, it may trigger to you that your Saboteur is present. With awareness it becomes easier to recognize. Once we are aware, then we can work on changing the internal conversation by separating it from who we truly are and could be.
Are you able to separate the "talk" and direction made by the saboteur from who you are? Can you define where it came from? Are those thoughts representative of the real you? Are the thoughts stemming from running an old program which is no longer effective or pertinent? Can this Saboteur be dumped and replaced with something more productive? Can new thoughts on what is possible be put in its place?
We may not know where we have picked up our baggage over the years but we can become aware of carrying it, defining it and recognizing it is no longer productive to keep.
Once we are aware, once we define, then we can remove and with practice, change our response.
My Saboteur is looks like this amorphous large dark cloud looming, hovering over me. I think of it as impending doom and gloom. I simply call it the "dark cloud".
My dark cloud shows up when I have too many things on the go, am interrupted and tired. Usually I am feeling frustrated and short tempered with something or someone. I am over committed.
I notice my breathing is shallower, my muscles become more tense, I change my posture and I quicken my pace. My internal conversation becomes reactive, demanding, one of stress, and impatience. I have at this point reduced my listening skills and tend to tune people out because I am listening to myself.
I put it in its place by noticing and recognizing my behavior and where my thoughts are first. I then change my posture, breathing, slow my pace, and visualize sunbeams breaking up the cloud until it dissipates. I take a step back to exhibit dominion over my "conversation". In effect I change both my physiology and thoughts.
I usually review a bit later in the day to become aware of my trigger and how I set myself up for it to appear. Then I review what I need to change.
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