"When Will I Ever Learn?"

While I'm proud of being the associate editor of Dynamic Chiropractic, it should be noted that quite naturally my editorials are a reflection of my opinion only, and do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher/editor. This can be easily seen in the diversity of the advertisements on the pages of "DC" and in the diversity of our columnists. In fact, I personally have been responsible for some of the straightest straights and mixed-up mixers becoming columnists. "DC" is the quintessence of editorial eclecticism and it's proud I am to be even a small part of such an enterprise.

That being said, I feel it's my duty to admit when I've made a mistake and to acknowledge this fact before the profession.

For years I've labored under this idea that my primary duty was to the welfare of my patients. In pursuit of this crazy notion I've recklessly cast aside the philosophical nostrums of B.J. Palmer and his disciples. In this diabolical rush to help my patients I've used all kinds of things that may have proved of value to the resolution of a patient's problems.

Yes -- I have to admit I -- I don't have a single picture of B.J. in my office. In fact, and this is hard to admit, I don't have a single quote of his hanging on the wall. And another thing, I've never signed a letter "Chiropractically Yours." And there's more -- I've read books, studied, and gone to seminars on nutrition. And I've done the same, and even given seminars on homeopathy. And I've studied physical therapy in undergraduate school and -- to make things worse -- applied what I was taught. Oh mercy, mercy!

The following are some of the results of my sins:

1. A patient with severe cardiac problems came into my office for treatment (oops -- I think the word "treatment" isn't acceptable) of a low back problem. Foolishly, I examined him to reach a diagnostic (oops again -- we're not qualified to diagnose if we're chiropracTORS -- will I never learn?) conclusion. During this heretical examination I found pronounced cardiac anomalies and subsequently ran a phonocardiograph on him. The results of the tracings made me prescribe certain nutrients in addition to the medications he was already on. Within two weeks the tracings dramatically changed and the patient said he never felt better.
   


2. A young girl came into my office with a history of three grand mal seizures a day for some 11 years. The seizures would last as long as one and one-half to two hours each. I even timed one in my office with some degree of disbelief. Her MD father had tried all that his profession had to offer and I in turn tried every adjustive spinal and cranial technique imaginable for almost a year, with no appreciable results. Then, in desperation, I tried homeopathy and the seizures, by coincidence of course, ended. This encouraged her to get married and have a child.
   


3. A young man came into my office with subdeltoid calcific bursitis. Radiographs revealed a calcium deposit the size of a small golf ball in the shoulder. It's hard to admit this now, but I didn't believe that a specific upper cervical correction would help, and his MD wanted to pour cortisone into the area, or surgically extirpate the offending calcium. What's a guy to do? Especially if one of those fiendish galvanic machines is sitting in a corner of his (excuse the expression) therapy room? Yes, yes -- I admit it -- I used the machine to perform iontophoresis, and within three weeks the x-ray revealed the total dissolution of the calcific deposits.

All the above is being confessed because I recently read a transcript in which the president of the International Chiropractors Association (ICA) testified at a legislative hearing in Texas. His testimony left no doubt that this self-appointed guardian of the public welfare, interpreter of all things chiropractic, and champion of justice would say that I had sinned for too long. According to Fred's testimony, a chiropracTOR shouldn't be allowed to even suggest that a patient might take an aspirin.

As the scriptural guide for the profession, Fred undoubtedly knows that I have sinned -- but did I do so beyond redemption? To atone I've decided what I must do.

First, tell the patient with the cardiac condition that what I did was wrong. That I'm not qualified to do anything but analyze x-rays and adjust subluxations. That he really doesn't feel better and should get all future nutritional advice from the MD who hasn't studied the subject, so that he could recommend some new drug.

Second, tell the girl with the seizures that homeopathy is really a hoax and has only confused innate, and that she should have her marriage annulled and the baby put up for adoption.

Third, refer the patient with the calcium deposits back to the MD for the surgical removal of the calcium deposits he no longer has.

All the preceeding forms of "penance" are, of course, ridiculous. As scary as it may seem, however, there are folks out there testifying that we aren't qualified to do anything but adjust. They chose to totally ignore the fact that the curriculum in most of our schools qualifies chiropractic physicians in such modalities as nutrition and physical therapy, far better than in almost any of the other health disciplines. Instead, they blatantly make us appear like some kind of pseudoreligious health nuts unable to grasp the fact that there might be more to health than an adjustment and the incantations of B.J. Palmer.

All I can say is that I'll keep doing what I do by adjusting my patients, giving them nutrients and homeopathic remedies, and using physical therapy modalities when needed.

A word of advice -- Fred and company should stay away from my office or I'll sic my trusty ultrasound "Fido" on them.