"Honey, I'm Home"

The sun was setting early in a lovely Texas suburb. State legislator, Clint Westwood opened the garage and drove his car inside. It had been a tough day at the capitol with many legislative matters needing his attention.

Clint: Peggy honey, I'm home!

Peggy: Hi honey -- you look pretty bushed. Did you have a hard day?

C: Yeah -- it was hard, but pretty funny too.

P: Funny?

C: You know the health committee I serve on? Well, today we had a bunch of chiropractors testifying and it was like a circus.

P: Are they the ones who pop bones to cure cancer and things like that?

C: I don't know what they do, and after today I don't think they do either.

P: What do you mean?

C: Well, they had this one guy who got up and started spouting off about how chiropractors weren't qualified to even suggest to one of their patients that they take an aspirin for a headache.

P: But I thought they called themselves "doctors."

C: I don't know what they call themselves, but if what happened today is any indication of what they do, I wouldn't let one of those guys put a bandage on my finger. It's really nutty. I mean -- what's so special about suggesting to someone that they take something they can get without a prescription anyway? It's not like they had to get the okay of a real doctor. But you should have heard this guy. Every other profession is always trying to expand on what they're allowed to do, but according to him, all that chiropractors should do is push on somebody's back. For a while I thought I was listening to a sermon from some religious fanatic.

P: How sad.

C: And to make things worse, they had another character telling us that they don't treat anything.

P: Are you kidding?

C: I swear it's true. It seems they "adjust" -- they don't treat anything.

P: What's the difference?

C: Well, from what I gathered, this one guy didn't believe in "treating" and that "adjusting" was some kind of sacred or holy act that these people do, which is followed by some mystical thing that happens if they push in the right spot.

P: How could you keep from laughing?

C: Believe me, it was sometimes tough. But I also get mad that characters like these are allowed to call themselves "doctors" and possibly jeopardize the health of the citizens of the state and the country. As I understand it, they're even covered by insurance.

P: I remember my uncle Ned used to swear that this chiropractor he saw saved him from a disc operation.

C: That's funny. One of them said that "real" chiropractors don't work on people with disc problems -- that they aren't qualified. And he kept on talking about how chiropractors didn't really know how to do anything else but push on certain bones of the spine. I never heard anything like it in my life.

P: My goodness.

C: And they kept on talking about referring their patients to MDs for just about everything. After a while you got to wondering just what the devil they really did. The way I figure it, chiropractic is some kind of cult that believes that you can get healthy by pounding on the spine.

P: Maybe you should introduce legislation to get rid of them or something.

C: Yeah, I know, but they've been around for so long I guess they must do something right. Look at your uncle Ned. Besides, three of those testifying weren't even from the state. Apparently they felt they could "barge" through the "gates" and tell us what to do. I don't like that. And then there was one chiropractor who got up to speak in favor of chiropractors being allowed to recommend over-the-counter drugs. He seemed pretty articulate and made more sense than the others. Maybe all we saw was some nutty fringes.

P: Well, calm down and look at the news. Those nutty people can't hurt you at home.

While the above conversation was fabricated -- the events leading up to it were not. One has to wonder what those who judge us, by what the fanatics tell them, must really think about us.

The most important thing we do is serve our patients as best we can without regard to the nonsense spouted by a few philosophical deviates. We must constantly guard our legal borders from the incursions of the super straights or end up with legislators coming home from committee meetings all over the country telling their families about the weird chiropractors they saw that day.

"Honey, I'm home" should bring the glad tidings of new knowledge about a conservative alternative to drugs and surgery -- not the pseudoreligious incantations of a few.

RHT